I never thought I would be sitting here writing about my experience let alone losing my Trina. You always know that day will come, but you never want to face it or know what it looks like and how life goes on after. That saying “Having a dog will bless you with the happiest days of your life, and one of the worst days” holds true. Pet loss is one we face as pet lovers.
My sweet Trina passed away a little over three months ago. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. She was the love of my life and taught me so many things about life, love, kindness, and compassion. She even got me involved in politics standing up for Pit Bulls and “Pit Bull” type dogs, speaking up for the voiceless, rallying and protesting for better animal rights.
I can’t begin to describe the loss and devastation you experience when you love so deeply and have to say good-bye. Animals are the one truest pure innocent souls. Their unconditional love and joy they bring into one’s life is immeasurable.
Throughout the years Trina has inspired to me to become the person I am today, and even in death has inspired me to continue. Both my dog photography and dog walking businesses were inspired by Trina. Trizane Photography came to life when she was still here with me by my side and Trizane Dog Services, after she was gone. I always knew I wanted to work with animals, but had no clue in what capacity. I had ambitions to pursue a career as a Veterinarian or Veterinary Technician, but don’t think I could handle the dark side of the day to day. As much as I want to help animals and help them heal, being exposed to what goes on behind the scenes, I would be an emotional wreck. Animals visiting the vet are there because they’re sick. The sad truth is a large percentage would never get better. On an emotional level I don’t think I could manage.
I can say that I’ve found my calling and dog walking has been therapeutic and enjoyable. I can’t wait to walk up to my clients home knowing on the other side of the door there’s a furry person waiting to see me with a wiggle so fierce they could hardly sit still. That’s my life now and I enjoy it. I’m not saying for everyone to go out there and conduct a major overhaul of their life, but this was what I did and did it with the support and guidance of a life coach who also coached me through my grief.
I wanted to write this blog post because sometimes the grief and emptiness of losing a pet can be so overwhelming not many people know there are resources out there to support them or may be hesitant to reach out.
I encourage anyone going through difficult times in their life because they lost their companion or are facing that decision to reach out to a counsellor. There are many psychotherapists experienced in dealing with grief that can help get you through the tough times. Sometimes it helps to talk about it. Counsellors are nonjudgmental, they won’t criticize you or belittle you. They are welcoming and a safe haven to express yourself. It’s healthy to grieve and no one should ever feel they need to hide losing a pet. When searching for counsellors, do some research, find out their specialty, make sure you’re comfortable with them. After all this is the person you are confiding in. The first appointment, consider it an interview, discover if the relationship is a right fit for you. Ask questions, ask about their experience, ask about their methods of counselling and how they intend to help you. Some insurance providers cover counselling fees as part of their extended medical benefits helping you save a portion of the costs.
It’s been proven that losing a pet can be as traumatizing as losing a human relative or close friend. Do not be afraid to seek help nor let social “norms” or feelings of shame dissuade you. There are many stages of grief: shock, denial, anger, guilt, depression, acceptance. You’ll go through most of these stages, having someone to talk to and help navigate you through these tough times can take a weight off your shoulders.
Turning to a support group such as the Ontario Pet Loss Support Group is also another great support system designed to help you. Ontario Pet Loss Support Group is run by volunteers and is an excellent support group with members ready to help. They’ve been through the loss of losing a pet and can relate with what you’re going through. They have monthly meetings, phone support and a Facebook page connecting you with a circle of soon-to-be friends.
Seek medical help if you have to. Grief can lead to depression, anxiety, sleep disorders, etc. Days become longer, you may not feel like participating in activities, you may become disconnected, agitated, angry – there are a whole slew of emotions and phases. Visit your doctor and have a conversation about how you’ve been coping.
Personally, when I lost my way after Trina’s death I found volunteering with animals helped me. I’m not going to say I was happy, but in that moment that I was with them and caring for them, I only thought about us, being there, in that present time. Volunteering can be a great outlet for a grieving person, it helps you get out of the house and look forward to doing something you enjoy and also helps to know you are also helping an animal/person in need.
Remember everyone grieves in their own way and there is no right or wrong way of doing it. In time, the days will get brighter, your heart will feel lighter and what you found joy in once before will make you happy again. You never lose that love or feeling of a lost one. Grief doesn’t leave you, you just learn to live with it and grow around it.
